I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
