god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
