dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
