he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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