so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
