last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
