I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
