Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
