Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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