The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
