you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
