Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
