It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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