You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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