hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
