turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
