I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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