I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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