He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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