Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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