she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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