I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
