i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
