I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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