I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I need moral support for this bender
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
