getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
