You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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