God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My hand turned me down
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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