so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
