i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
