Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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