i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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