Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
