I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
