this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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