just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
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Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
its like you know when i get waxed