i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose