can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.