whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.