you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And then my night got REAL pukey
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to