Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
