Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
