Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
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I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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