I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
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