i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
