when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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