Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize