I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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