Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
