3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
