I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
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The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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