Barsexuality is the new black.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
