yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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