We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize