When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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