I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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