Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
