i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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