listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
