sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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