I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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