You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
