Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
