yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
