There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
