You smell like stripper and shame
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
