It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize