thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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