so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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