Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
