Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
