I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize