Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
