Cold hands, warm shart.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
