I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Randomize
